Your Own Life

Fresh Mind Reading for Addiction Retreat

2009-01-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

Fresh New Mind
You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. - Albert Einstein

Is this true? If it is, what are we to do? How do we go about getting another mind? Thankfully, and I say that from my own experience, Zen and the various methods of Zen practice offer us ways to find a fresh new mind.

Most of us are buried under a mountain of habits and conditions that hinder our locating this fresh, new mind. We remain for years covered by the same old prejudiced mind and old decisions that buried us in the first place. Fortunately, there are practices that are able to help us shovel out of this problem-making mindset. But we need the conviction to turn and return to the shoveling. We need to realize that continuous shoveling is a necessary spiritual activity to unearth the mess suffocating our life. “Over and over again” is an essential mantra to guard against giving up the dig.

The continuous digging and continuously returning to digging out from under these habits is Zen. We wish and worry our life away and end up like the walking dead. We often long for the past and fret about the future. We are sorters, classifiers, and rankers setting up endless steps towards short and long-term goals and think that these arrangements solve the human dilemmas of living. Bluntly, they are not the solutions because they come from the decision-making mind that created the problems in the first place. In essence, they are shovelfuls of habits, wishes and fantasies that smother our life. We need a fresh, new mind. The question is “How and where do we acquire such a mind?”

The where is clearly stated by Buddha.

What is the destination? The eradication of infatuation, the eradication of hostility and the eradication of delusion are what is called the destination. (1)
Not only did Buddha tell us the where, he gave us a how.
And what is the path leading to the destination? Present-moment awareness directed toward the body. (2) (speech and mind)

Straightforward and clear and yet not many of us follow it. Let’s have a look and see if we can see what gets in our way. We might think we have to invent or build this new, fresh mind. Not so. We have to unearth it from the weight of hundreds of moments of convention and habit. Our new mind is hidden beneath years of old and self-absorbed thinking. All of which is tightly packed down with ideas of right and wrong, like and dislike. Our main motivation underneath this pile of mess is to avoid what we dislike and approach what we like. We cycle endlessly in samsara or as Einstein would say the mind that created the problem. Watch for yourself, you are either putting a scheme together to get something you like or get rid of something you dislike. Let’s have a look at two common, very human stories to help us see what this is all about.

THE TALE OF DIVORCE
A man, many years divorced recalls how he and his wife of many years loved art and art events. He recalls how wonderful these times were and what he loved about these times together. They were for him delightful. The wonderful conversation they shared about different artists. They were enthralled by the potential meanings of each work, the memorable pieces, the history and skills of a particularly artist, the splendid and delicious luncheons. It was, for him, both enjoyable and unforgettable.

Now he attends museum events with a friend, a woman whom he admires, who is as intelligent and as caring as his former wife but who has no interest whatsoever in these afternoon imaginings. She generally wants to say goodbye and go home once she has eaten her lunch. He feels this is not enjoyable and he feels disappointed and a little slighted by her behavior. He mentioned it to her and she being an amenable, affable sort of woman tries to talk about the art, the theme and meaning of each piece they saw together. He reported rather downhearted that although she tried to give him what he wanted it was for him like a recitation of a Cliff notes summary, a book report.

He was disappointed.

First can you see the old-habitual, decision making mind at work? Don’t go any further until you see that this divorced man is setting up the whole event in his mind before he goes to the museum. He digs into his habitual past and pulls out a memory which he remembers to be enjoyable and pastes it on the current day. He defends his right to do such a thing because recalling the past is a commonplace, human activity. He cherishes his past and wants to repeat it. He fails to see that this recall is a little like regurgitating a delicious meal eaten earlier in the day.
His desire to repeat is quite strong, a tip that he is in an old habit.

This habitual mind lures him into longing for something gone, something irretrievable. And when his day results in disappointment he turns round into the old, habit mind that brought him there and does a number of conditioned, old behaviors. He judges the woman and declares her a dull cold fish. When judging her does not bring peace of mind he attempts to comfort this old wagging mindset by telling himself to accept his lot in life. Now he is even more downcast and begins to pin a label on himself “out of luck.”

The divorced man is unable to see that he is buried underneath old, dead patterns. He can’t see that he kills the fresh event with this woman because he is suffocating under this self-created mountain. Since he is a student of Zen he wants to look like a good student and shouts at himself, “OK, I KNOW I HAVE TO ACCEPT MY SITUATION.” Buddha is not that unkind or aggressive. This demand is merely more of the old, habit mind. Be a good Zen student and suck it up! He continues to cycle, sort, and shift, arrange and accept. If he is unable to see this circular hell of pain and bitterness he will cycle endlessly taping labels on his life with words like ACCEPTANCE, THAT’S LIFE and TOUGH LUCK. A dead end, indeed.

What is he to do? Eradicate the infatuation, but how does he do it? We’ll get to the specifics but first one more anecdote.

A TALE OF THE PERPETUAL VICTIM
A woman, quite talented and vibrant continuously finds herself complaining. She complains about her work, her family, especially her husband and her friends. Everyone seems to want too much from her. She feels “put upon” by others. Maybe you feel the same way. Again, her situation is a common enough misery, like the common cold. Yet it is annoying and irritating to her. When she describes her situation it goes something like this, they (they is any member of her social world) need so much stroking, care and attention that if I don’t give it to them all hell breaks loose. It’s just easier to give it to them and keep the peace than to do anything else. But I find I am miserable all the time. In fact, I end up hating all of them. No, it’s worse than that, I hate my life.”

What is she to do? Is her habitual mind running the show or not? She wants peace and ends up with self-loathing and hate for others which doesn’t sound much like the peace of Buddha. It sounds like hell. She sizes up a situation in terms, words, ideas of what the other needs, wants, and demands and then attempts to meet those needs, wants and demands which she labels as the path to peace. Yet, her experience tells her these actions lead to hate and more hate. She believes if she continues to follow her training to be a “good girl” that she’ll somehow have a good life. There is the rub.

Just as the divorced man, she needs to see her desire to be a “good girl” is burying her alive. She can’t skip this step. Neither can you.

Both of these stories remind me of two puppies that I recently fostered. We put up a little corral which formed a circle and within this corral was their cage where they could go in and out to sleep. Quickly these two puppies found that if they banged their small little bodies up against the corral walls and leaped that they could with effort hoist themselves over the wall into the rest of the house. Soon they were getting out all the time. They’d rush the wall, bang and leap and up and out they’d go. I watched how quickly they were able to do this and decided to make it easier for them to get out. I unhooked the cage from part of the corral wall and made an opening. Guess what?

They continued to rush the wall and leap over even though the gate was open. Their habit was formed and maintained even though there was another way out. I realized I would need to show them where the open gate was and actually redirect them away from their newly formed habit. The habit formed quickly and is maintained unless interrupted; it is the same for us.
The divorced man and perpetual victim are habituated and addicted. They both are defending this habit mind rather than defending their faith in digging out. They need to interrupt these patterns.

The practices of interruption and concentration are numerous but you have to pick one and do it. The practice needs to help you interfere with the habitual mindset not polish it, box it or seal it. It requires a concentrated mind. The concentrated mind strengthens your ability to pull out of the distracted, old hell raiser.

Fortunately, and I really mean fortunately your fresh new mind is ever present. You just need a method to uncover it. You need a glimpse of confidence that the treasure is there otherwise you’ll be like those who find fool’s gold.

How might you develop such confidence? In your own mind! There is no other place, and no better place than your own triumph through the mire of your own habitual, circular thinking. Most of us think it’s the other guy or our current situation which makes us so miserable. Don’t believe it!

You first need to see the hell making mind. Even a small glimpse of it is enough. And then you

need to write the glimpse down. Put it up all over the house, on the refrigerator, carry a copy in a wallet, and paste it on the bathroom mirror. You need to put it in your own words but if you can’t do that you can use this phrase, “if my life stinks, look at the end of my nose.” A strong, clear message is required.

You can fill in the word life with more specifics, such as my friend, mother, brother, husband, lunch, my job, body, boss and my kids, i.e., “if it stinks, look at the end of your nose.” You can’t skip this step. This is present-moment awareness at the end of your own nose.

You need to turn round and look with a pair of binoculars on your own thinking process, see where this thought takes you and realize this habitual mind leads to suffering. A YIELD sign needs to be put up to remind you not to go any further with these old thoughts. In Zen lingo this is seeing through karma or creating a fork in the road. It is setting down the sentimental for the real. It is the eradication of infatuation.

You now need a present-moment practice of awareness using body, speech and mind. Something as simple as coloring, putting a puzzle together or copying a sutra will do. Resistance will rise at this point and you’ll want to go back to your old problem-making mind which paves the road to hell. Expect resistance like you expect a bumpy ride over a dirt road. It can’t be otherwise. But, don’t give up. Resistance can be tolerated. You need to tell yourself you can tolerate, handle and manage the resistance. Imagine it’s a squirming puppy trying to get out of your hands. You wouldn’t drop them, so don’t drop this practice. It is the path to the eradication of infatuation!
Once you’ve decided on one of these simple tasks you need to follow it and do it. It can’t be just a thought, you need to do it and watch what happens to your mind. You’ll see very quickly how your old habit mind will want to lure you away. Telling you “coloring” is stupid or “putting a puzzle together” is a waste of time. You’ll swear to yourself this could not be the path to the eradication of infatuation.

Don’t get tricked by thinking there is something better to do than what you are doing. Comparing is merely more delusion. Clear your mind of the useless, idle concerns of the past or the future. Tend to what is right in front of you. If you are coloring, color, if you are putting a puzzle together, find the next piece.

This is where the new fresh mind is. You really can live without your stories, the echoes of before and after are ghosts that torment you and accuse you of what you did or did not do. You’ll need to shovel out over and over again. The practice gives you a chance to see it and watch it like a rainstorm. It’s completely up to you. No one else can dig you out. You gotta do it yourself.

Continuous shoveling is Buddha, continuous Buddha is shoveling

The eradication of infatuation, hostility and delusion are the destination.

Present-moment awareness of body, speech and mind is the path.

Look at the end of your nose.

Practice a present-moment awareness, i.e., coloring, puzzles and copying a sutra.

Good luck.

Reference from Glenn Wallis, Basic Teachings.

Your Practice?

2006-10-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

Are you trying to escape?
Do you think there is a better place to be?
Are you wanting and craving something different?
Which fish are you?

How's your practice?

2006-07-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

Just this....every drop fresh, new and completely falling over....

Why adhere to intimate or distant?

2006-06-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we do not see eye to eye. How do we disagree without harming one another? How do we include it all?

The Egg

2006-06-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

It is hard for us to see how to take care...like a hen that sits on a chicken...how do you relate to the care of your laptop? Your granite coutnertop? Your car? The keys to your house? The dental floss in your bathroom? The ceramic tile? The refrigerator? The air conditioner? The e-mail? The e-ticket. The TV? The monitor? The ambulance? The mattress? These are the things of our world. These are what cry out to us...care for me like a chicken on an egg...how are you doing?

Duality

2006-05-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

Gain and loss, true and false: drop them all in one moment.

Dhammapada

2006-05-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

If you do not find an intelligent companion,A fellow travelerOf good conduct, and wise,Travel alone,Like a king renouncing a conquered kingdom,Like the elephant Matanga on the forest.

Dhammapada

2006-05-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

If you find an intelligent companion,

A fellow traveler

A sage of good conduct

You should travel together

Delightful and mindful

Overcoming all dangers.

Can you see temptation and distraction coming?

2006-05-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Or are you caught off guard and taken captive by

Talking about the weaknesses of others
Holding grudges
Being consistently rigid in a view of another
NOT noticing your greatest problem
Hoping and wanting a PARTICULAR result
Giving and eating poisonous food

Keep a lookout for temptation and distraction to indulge in these harmful ways

Onward: Trainiing the Mind

2006-04-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

Life is precious
Life is fragile
Death is sudden and strikes without warning
Cause and Effect are inescapable
Suffering in the conditioned world is inescapable
Liberation is beneficial
A teacher might be helpful

The preliminaries...

Bee in a Jar

2006-04-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Celebrating Buddha's Birthday

2006-03-31T13:03:00.000-08:00

April 8th & 9th Retreat...Birthday cake, candles and sweet tea. This retreat ends another 90 day period...please join us wherever you are in celebrating a happy birth for all buddhas.

Lovingkindness

2006-03-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

Everyone wants to be happy. Making turns and turning we spin on an endless path. Running alongside everyone else or so we think.

It was a carpeted glass room overlooking the side of a green hill which held the ocean waves from overtaking the land. The sea, the sky and hillside were everywhere. As I looked out the window I saw myself stirring in the universe. In the middle of this silent space there was a buzz, a little rustle, hardly noticeable. It was faint yet slightly cruel. I heard it but let it go as the woman began to speak.

“Start where with your self,” she said. “Everyone wants to happy, so start with your self.”

“How do I do that?” I thought. I reached into my mind and pulled open something indescribable, almost invisible yet there. There was very little connection to her request. But before I could do much investigation with it she continued.

“This is a gentle practice,” she said in a whisper. Say to your self, “may you be happy, may you be well.”

I can say that, I thought agreeably. I repeated the phrases a few times to myself, “may I be happy, may I be well….may I be happy, may I be well.”

And once again we dropped into the silence of the room. I listened to my breath; the air touched something and made just a slight hiss.

She spoke again. “Now as we sit here bring to mind someone who has been very good to you, someone who cared for unconditionally.”

The buzz, a small weak noise rose once again. It was very delicate, but very present.

“Imagine this person who cares for you to be right in front of you.”

I once again felt as though I was turning backwards, to look for someone who cared for me. She added, “…a teacher, a parent, someone who looked after your well-being.” It felt like a somersault, rolling over into the memory or experience of someone caring for me. There was expressed disapproval of the teachers I had known, and parents, well, there’s a childhood forgotten. But there was one. She stood out, uncompromisingly so. I wondered for a moment what might happen to her, what condition might arise to taint her as well. Everything changes.

I found myself looking out the window watching the waves roll in circles. I couldn’t tell which way the waves were moving. Were they moving closer to the shoreline or away or just round and round? Everything moves. Yet the green hillside looked solid and still. I could only see the grass moving in the wind. The ground seemed motionless.
“Now when you see this person, this caring person in front of you repeat in your mind, “may you be happy, may you be well.” This encouragement was followed by the buzz once again. This time, however, the buzzing hum was a little clearer and seemed closer calling my eye to find the source.

“If you wander off, just bring your mind back to this someone who cared for you. “

There was a mob of buzzes and I now wanted to see what was happening. I lowered my gazed just slightly to the left of center looking for something that sounded trapped. I looked at where the window casing met the cement floor. Near the bottom I saw a horsefly flopping back and forth from one wing to the other. It seemed to have hit the window and knocked itself into a stupor. It wasn’t able to right itself. I continued to look at it and thought I’d turn it over to help steady it. As I looked I heard the woman say, “now think of someone neutral, someone you don’t know but someone you see on a regular basis.” I thought about my new neighbor. He’s been in the house next door for months and I often see him either go in or go out his front door but I have never spoken to him. She added, “…bring that person to mind and say to them, may you be happy, may you be well.”

The fly continued to flap back and forth and the buzz seemed louder and more desperate. I looked again thinking I’d help the fly right be upright when I noticed the fly was tangled with a black needle-legged spider about half the size of the fly. The buzz was a scream! Which one was screaming? Was it the fly being stung by the spider? Was the spider trying to eat the fly? The sound of her voice interrupted the questioning. “Let go of any thoughts and come back to your breath. Then bring to mind someone who gives you trouble; bring them to mind as if they are right in front of you. May you be happy.”

The fly was frantic. I couldn’t tell what was happening even though I was looking at them both. Suddenly the sound stopped. The buzz that now seemed more like a roar just stopped. The room fell silent as the fly fell over on one wing. It just laid there. NO movement, no sound. The spider completely visible lifted the black head and body up onto the narrow straight pinned legs and without a sound disappeared under the window casing.

May you be well echoed in my mind. The fly completely visible began to spin round and round in small arcs along the floor. Tilting on one wing and then the other it would lift up off the cement floor only to fall over again. Had the spider poisoned it?

The meditation continued until she finally asked us to consider the whole world. To imagine saying to all beings “may you be happy, may you be well.” Once the practice finished she asked us some questions, where we were from? How long were we staying? All the while I watched the fly struggle to steady itself. When it did I put my finger down and it welcomed me. Slowly, as though it had been waiting for this, it crawled without notice onto the tip of my index finger. It grabbed the skinned and I felt it hold on. “You can open the window,” she said apparently watching me and the fly. At first her voice startled me but then I just stood up and opened the top of the window and reached out my finger. I had to shake the fly loose and wondered whether or not this was a kind act or not. How could I know? May you be happy, may you be well.

Karma & Cause & Effect

2006-02-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

What is the relationship between karma and cause & effect?

Offer Merit with Your Action

2006-02-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

Light a candle
Light incense
Serve the community
Bow to Buddha
Circle the BUddha
Ring the bell
MAke something by hand
Sew a stitich
Give something away
Take refuge in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha
Put hands in gassho
End hope for number one
Reveal your virtues
Memorize the precepts
Put hands in shashu
Memorize a sutra
Hand copy a sutra
Serve your teachers
Study a koan
Write an offering
Offer food
Offer water
Offer zazen
Clean the altar
Repeat a mantra
Make a mandal
Purify the mind
Watch your thoughts
Open your hands to help

please add to this merit
thank you

Where to Rest...

2006-01-26T05:43:00.000-08:00

by Ansgar Holmberg

Where to Rest?

2006-01-26T05:41:00.000-08:00

by Ansgar Holmberg, 2005

Karma

2006-01-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

Sew, Sew Great!!!

2006-01-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

This is like starting all over again. Pull out the stitches and start again. "Keep Going!" as Liz says. I forgot my password and I had to start again.

I think one of the things I learned during our sewing weekend, is, firstly, to ask myself: "How can I do this?"Or, what is the first step I need to take?" Then I had to: Listen. I think that slogan "Stop, Look and Listen" works in this situation and probably many others.
My first reaction to the knots was anger and frustration. But when I slowed down and put the knot under the light and really looked deeply at it...I could see that, if I was very careful, gentle actually, I could free the knot.

What I learned is that I can do this with my mind as well by slowing down, really seeing whatever it is and being gentle with myself. Gentleness is important for me.
When I experience something that could be considered a knot of sorts, if I follow the same steps, I think I will become free of whatever it is...I plan to practice with this during this 90 day Ango some of us are doing. I hit a knot today and I am working with it.
I will keep you posted on some of my experiences.

I also want to say how great it was to sew with all of you. Getting to know you, Getting to know all about you. . . do you hear me singing? I am soooooooooo lucky to have such a big sangha that reaches from New York to Chicago.
Thank you also to our patient and skilled sewing teachers who were so encouraging!!!

90 Days less 15 75 Days of Sitting

2006-01-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

Please do not forget to practice with a careful mind. Turn towards this sitting with resolve and sit down in stillness. Keep going. Don't give up. Upright, flexible. Straighten your posture, relax, let the thoughts come and go.

Our sewing

2006-01-10T17:56:00.000-08:00

My weekend of sewing reverberates with questions:

>Why could I say nothing of the altars in my home?
>What did I find of myself in the crooked patterns of stitches, the lines of folded cloth that do not run straight?
>Why did my needle lose its thread so many times?
>Why was the light never bright enough to see my stiches?

These are my fields, my weeds, my harvest, the roots of the coming spring's growth, the foundation of everything that I do.

2006-01-09T15:32:00.000-08:00

2006-01-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

Starting the Year Pulling Us Together Appreciating a Single Thread.

2006-01-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

A Single Thread Sewing Retreat 2006

ENLIGHTENMENT Moment-Day-Week-Life

2005-12-02T14:51:00.000-08:00

During the first watch of the night of enlightenment Buddha with a clear mind saw his previous lives...one, two, up to 1000's of his previous lives. How about you?

During the second watch of the night Buddha saw the universality of birth and death, of cause and effect, of coming and going, of impermanence. How about you?

During the final watch of the night he saw the co-arising of all phenomena; the dependence of causes and conditions. He saw suffering, the cause of suffering and the release from suffering. How about you?

Freshness again and again

2005-11-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

We are creatures that like to track, mark and delineate time...like dates and schedules; we like to watch the moon and mark as full or new or harvest; we like to mark the beginning of the fall season and the end of summer; we do this over and over again. Each time it is fresh and bright and just so. It becomes tarnished and old and stale only when we make it so...only when we say, "this again!" Here we are rolling into Thanksgiving and soon December...as we mark the end of a year at the end of December it is not too early to encourage ourselves to consider our practice fresh again and again. Considering and setting aside time to sit together, to sit sesshins as often as we able, to sit daily, to practice fresh again and again. To be thankful for this freshness in the mind. Fresh in the dark, fresh in the midday, fresh in the evening, fresh in the night again and again, fresh.

Location, location, location

2005-11-17T09:31:00.000-08:00

When we started this 60 day practice, I put my cushions up in the turret in my third floor attic, a lofty romantic perch among the tree tops. But as time went on, I didn't seem to drag myself up there quite as often as I had intended, or our little practice asked of us. After Liz's email with the beginner's tip, I dragged the mat back down stairs and placed it next to the bathroom where I see it first thing in the morning, and last thing before bed. And now I sit again. It's not particularly romantic, but I don't suppose that was the point in the first place.

Practice: Making GREAT effort to study your self, your mind and heart and body and speech and actions

2005-11-14T05:24:00.000-08:00

We can only practice where we are; whether we are confused or clear-eyed; whether we flounder in laziness or regret; whether we take each step mindfully or stumble around. Where are you?

Giving a little, a little more and even a little more

2005-11-08T05:52:00.000-08:00

This morning I studied a Theravadin writer writng on Generosity; the chapter is titled, "Three Robes is Enough." It is very encouraging to me to read about monastics who forsake and give-up the luxuries of this material world; it isn't that they sometimes are not given luxuries but they don't seek them; it is the seeking and grasping that is renounced. The monastic practice is a light for us all to renounce and let go of the seeking and grasping as in "I just gotta have it."

Also, in the chapter was a sweet inspiration of courage around giving....here it is.

If you have little, give little; if you have a little more, give a little more, if you have even a little more, give even a little more. It is not fitting not to give at all.

Sitting, more sitting

2005-11-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

This week there's more open sitting...check it out... www.practiceperiod.blogspot.com
more offering of form...of coming together to sit...

May the merit of our practice help all beings

The next moment is fresh

2005-11-04T04:41:00.000-08:00

No matter where you are, what you are up to, the next moment is fresh ready for you to see...
I have delusions of how this practice should go...according to some idea; the idea is spongey soaking up what actually is...I just return to the silence, to the sitting, to the study...encouraging the turn...taking the turn...

MaryAnne Has Arrived

2005-11-01T07:39:00.000-08:00

With Dwight's help I have arrived!

giving and receiving audio

2005-10-31T19:46:00.000-08:00

the link from Clearing Your Vison -- Giving and Receiving Audio -- our first experiment in recording the teachings at A Single Thread -- captures the spirit of our zendo.

The Day of the Dead Altar

2005-10-31T13:02:00.000-08:00

Ancient karma

2005-10-31T12:56:00.000-08:00

Six of sat this morning, together we chanted the ancient twisted karma for those who are no longer able to chant for themselves. Exchanging our self for them; taking refuge in awareness of letting go, seeing and knowing the impermanence of conditions, clearing away the karma...giving and receiving, giving and receiving.

They all whispered, O saki ni...sorry to go first. We thank them for being so kind and gracious and remind them we will have our turn.

The Day of the Dead Morning Service

2005-10-31T12:55:00.000-08:00

Intimacy

2005-10-28T08:27:00.000-07:00

I have been bathing in the beauty of the trees in color. Now they are letting go and their color lies at their feet. Late fall, November...I can see farther because the trees are baring themselves...see the contour of wooded hills, see farther down the street, see more sky. November (almost) trees are honest, no leaves, no extra color dressing them up. Just honest, naked, knarled, somtimes broken branches. What's under all those leaves...intimacy.

Silent eating

2005-10-23T19:31:00.000-07:00

Everyday I eat at least one meal alone. I like to read and often like to read something while eating. I am realizing that reading can be a kind of noise that occupies my brain and I become disconnected with my body and the act of eating. So I am trying to be aware of nourishing my body while I fast my mind. Mind and body...one. I want to become more comfortable with this and continue it after the 60 days. I want to miss the silence of not reading.

During this 60 days

2005-10-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

Every day I eat at least one meal alone. I love to read. Just eating, simply eating, without the distraction of reading something is a discipline for me. Makes me realize that reading even good things is a kind of noise. My mind wants the noise of information. So during these 60 days I nourish my body with food and fast my mind from stuffing intself with knowledge. This is something I want to continue in the future. This is my training period.

Silence

2005-10-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

I am used to silence and comfortable with it - or so I thought. Most of my day is in silence as my work and study are at home. This fits well for me and I feel fortunate.

The silence at night, however, is different now. Since I have shut off the TV, the hum behind my routine activities of dishwashing etc is gone. So, without the exterior distractions, interior distractions become louder - more internal conversations and perhaps external conversations (gee - who should I call!!).

This new more intense silence is a challenge for me and is stretching me. I also recognize that it is quite a gift.

So, how is the silence for all of you?

meals

2005-10-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

Being sick as practice

2005-10-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

A cold has found its way into my lungs and I am down under it. I noticed while lying in bed not able to breath, sore throat, congestion how I get consumed by the aversion of this situation and then while sitting up trying to breathe without pain I heard a little rustle on the desk next to my bed...and I looked over and the wind from the open window was moving a small wrapper from a cough drop...it was hitting the lamp and making a tiny tap tap tap sound against the lamp...for those few moments I was saved from the misery of wishing the congestion would lift...the immediate present moment is a refuge. Resistance to what is causes much of our discomfort. How to relax and get comfortable with the sting at the back of my throat, the tightness in my chest....instead fear and resistance tighten and things get worse...but the dancing wrapper jigged me awake...now I am going back to bed to relax and get comfortable, to be friendly with what arises in my body....in between whining and sneezing.

Remarkable

2005-10-20T04:19:00.000-07:00

buddhas see through every question without trying to discredit anyone or anything---without refutation---without establishing some other argument.

This stays with me...looking for the x-ray vision through the sticky stuff of mind and heart, finding the Way without positve or negative, without refutation...laying down arms, disarming and being open...

Thomas Merton's voice

2005-10-19T05:43:00.001-07:00

I read this morning from Thomas Merton's Asian Journal...

...Filled with every possibility, questioning nothing, knowing everything, rejecting nothing, the peace not of emotional resignation but of ...sunyata...(emptiness)....buddhas see through every question without trying to discredit anyone or anything---without refutation---without establishing some other argument.

He was knocked over with a rush of relief and thankfulness at the obvious clarity of these figures...

2005-10-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

Buddhas resting without question

This is a Test

2005-10-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

Testy Ansgar and Deborah are trying to see if this gets us where we need to be in the blogging world. Our retreat is quickly wearing off off off.......

I got in....

2005-10-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

The sesshin is over and I find that I miss everyone. Work has seemed much more hectic than I remember...maybe it was the quiet of the weekend...I do plan to do the 60 days.

Now that I have gotten in...I will work on putting my plan together and posting it.

Open Sitting Wednesday 19th & Thursday 20th

2005-10-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

Wednesday & Thursday Morning
5:30 a. m. - Sitting
6:10 a. m. - Chanting
Bow out
Wednesday & Thursday Evening
6:30 p.m. - Sitting
7:10 p.m. - Chanting
Bow out

The sesshin ends and transforms and we keep going

2005-10-18T05:47:00.000-07:00

Back to this day of silence, sitting, studying what's up with our heart and mind. Clearing the shelves...dusting away. Fresh! Each with our own fingerprints, our own hands. Who else?

Thank you all for your generous showing up and sincere effort.
Liz

A Gift

2005-10-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Thank you Liz for the retreat. What a gift.

Another gift you've given:
I’d been chafing lately, wanting to set aside the distractions and escapes that kept me from living my life. But it’s like I had everything on a little shelf that I kept fussing with. I picked up TV, wondering if I should cut it down or throw it out altogether, dusted it off a little, put it in the place of a book, shuffled that with a magazine, no…hmm… maybe this… maybe that…

Then along comes Liz with her 60 days and sweeps her arm across the shelf, knocking it all off. “There. Nice and clear.”

Off she calmly walks and I stand there wondering at how simple that was.

Thank you.

Study in the Mirror

2005-10-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

Study of any of the teachings is to study your self with a mirror. At least that is where you start; like a baby looking at the face of mother.

Practice, Life

2005-10-11T03:32:00.000-07:00

Today there is only one open sitting at 6:00 a.m. Please continue your practice at home. Upright, flexible, harmonious. Non-thinking mind, open heart, steady and even in the seas of suffering. Let go of the habitual actions of wanting to get something or wanting to get rid of something...that is being upright.

The retreat starts on Friday. Blessed regards, Liz

Home practice

2005-10-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

6:15 to 6:45 Sitting
6:45 to 7 dharma notes

>Continued study and memorization of slogans from Training the Mind

>Memorization of Discourse on Loving Kindness

Upright, Flexible & Harmonious

2005-10-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

So...it is helpful to sit upright in the middle of your own life and face what you see. To be flexible without breaking and to experience the harmony of seeing where you are no matter where that is. Breathing and paying attention to one breath after another helps us sit upright, be flexible and experience harmony.

Flexibility will help us sit upright for the 60 days of practice. Variation and flexibility in our schedules, our heart and mind, in our life.

60 Day Practice

2005-10-07T15:14:00.000-07:00

Schedule: will vary depending on which day of the week it is, but basically:

6:15-6:30 meditation
followed by 20 minutes of Qi Gong or 60 minutes of yoga
morning study—15 to 40 minutes of simplification texts
afternoon study—varied
evening—four 15 minute silent work periods
9:15 to 9:30 meditation

I am memorizing a chant whose name I can never remember, but starts “no mo san man…”

I have not chosen my sutra, but have narrowed it down to Actualizing the Fundamental Point or The Song of the True Black Beauty.
Marlese

Meditation Schedule

2005-10-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hi - this is Ann Talbot
My meditation schedule (eastern time) is:
6:00-6:30 a.m.
11:30-11:55 a.m.
5:00-5:45 p.m.

I haven't yet decided what sutra to study. I'm working on it.

2005-10-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

Monday Schedule Only

Sutra or Teaching Practice of Memorization

2005-10-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Zen is an oral tradition. The oral teaching way is very helpful. It helps us carry the teachings in our heart. There are a few steps to memorizing that might be helpful.

Please select a teaching and stay with that one teaching for the 60 days.
If you are studying the Mind Training, you could use the slogans as the teaching to memorize.
Write and re-write the words.
Repeat the words out loud to yourself throughout the day.
When you feel upset or too elated, pick up the teaching and read it and memorize it in the middle of the upset or elation. A teacher in any form helps us find the Middle Way.
Once you have taken in the words, re-write the teaching in your own words.
Please let us know what teaching you select to memorize.

I will begin to memorize the teaching by Kanchi Sosan, Faith in Mind.

Practice, Life

2005-10-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

I will post my sitting schedule and practice schedule for the 60 days on this blog. You are welcome to post comments and add insight and lovingkindness to this blog.